on abandoning cars

Another Bucephalus has fallen victim to neglect, spendthrift, and procrastination. The car, a red Subaru Forester, the author's stout and loyal steed for the past 4 years, died in northern New Jersey on Saturday evening, something within it giving way with a sickening series of uncharacteristic crunching and groaning, screeching and banging. “At least $800 to repair what we think is wrong with it,” the woman at the repair shop told him once the mechanics had had a look at it on Monday morning. “But it could also be the water pump, or something else – we won't really know the total cost until we open it up and take a look inside.”

And so he consigned to the junk heap his faithful Sleipnir of night and fog, brave mount of a dark and fallen prince, choosing to wash his hands of it rather than invest more than the roughly $7000 already in. Bought out of necessity and a luxurious bauble stuck in the otherwise coarse and simple cloak of his life, his old friend will soon be torn apart, raided for parts, chopped, shopped, or simply put outside and left to rot. If he'd have had an extra $2000 lying around he might have had the recent ruptures repaired and a new serpentine belt installed; sacrifices must be made and expectations must be altered to reflect new realities, however, and, so, he'd signed the back of the car's title and put it in with the rest of Tuesday's mail. Requiescat in pacem, dear friend – you shall be missed.

His new mount, a gray and blue landshark-style bicycle that had sat under the front porch for nearly a decade, is once again working well: he has been riding it regularly for the past year. With new tires and brake pads fore and aft, fresh shifter cables, and rear spokes properly tuned, the velocipede allows him to go everywhere he needs to go around town and haul everything he might need to haul silently and without producing more exhaust than his own breath, more waste than that already gurgling in his guts. If he had but sold the car before it exploded, he might have recouped some of its value, but at least no one was injured when the automobile system failed, and he now has one less albatross dangling from his neck. At the end of the day, none can know what the Universe intends, and, so, the author accepts his new reality with a silent word of thanks to the shifting winds of Fortune for forcing him to make a difficult decision.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

Mobility-Oriented-Housing-Design - MOHD

  Have you ever had to choose between a great job and a great apartment? Have you ever wanted to just uproot your crib and truck it to a different city? Have you ever clawed your way out of a mobile home while it was being dragged along by a raging and swollen river?

  The new MOHD series from Maison Modular & Mobil* will let you watch out your living-room window without trepidation as the tsunami rips the surrounding structures to pieces. This advanced product allows you to replace your home's roof in a single afternoon; it grants you the freedom to move to any city that has parking spaces and to bring your entire household with you, immediately. The Mobility-Oriented-Housing-Design (MOHD) unit fits in a standard parking space, yet inside it is big enough to seat eight people comfortably. The unit is anchored to a bolt in the ground via a thick steel cable that is accessible only to the inhabitant via a floor hatch (this makes it difficult to move MOHDs unnoticed). Each unit fits onto any but the smallest flat-beds, and its underside-mounted wheels allow it to be towed (albeit slowly).

  The exterior and interior panels (which can be customized in most any way imaginable) of the MOHD are prefabricated in an ecologically sustainable process. At the core of each panel is sandwiched a mesh-like weave of circuitry that is meant to interrupt electronic surveillance. (This mesh does not interfere with the unit's built-in Wi-fi router, or with its send-and-receive capabilities.) The panels are attached to the structural framework in such a way as to form a tight enough seal that, if the doors and windows are too sealed properly, the airtight unit can sustain life while submerged fully (or at least until the fuel cells run out, because air is being pumped in via a semi-rigid, floating snorkel mounted to the roof).

  Conceived for the urban working individual who wants to save time looking for apartments and money on home-repairs, the staff at most home improvement centers is trained to replace or repair MOHD panels quickly and inexpensively; furthermore, the panels are easy to replace at home using a few simple tools. The septic system of the MOHD includes wastewater recapture-and-reuse and a high quality methane-for-fuel scrubber/extractor. Furniture in a variety of styles and shades is available for purchase from individually-operated designers. MOHD units are designed to connect to one another, so you can create a maze-like warren all your own in the unused section of your local strip-mall. (The standard MOHD design resembles in appearance a loaf of bread with a rounded top and corners.) Inconspicuous (most designs) and intrusion-resistant (all designs), each unit has mount-ready external hard-points for attaching cameras (or mini-guns).

  The MOHD is the complete package: it is low in price and it floats, it is partially self-sustaining (with necessary roof-garden and solar/wind upgrades) and simple to relocate, it is easy to repair and to upgrade, and it looks bad-ass sitting in the gloomy section of the cluster of abandoned stores down the street. Buy a MOHD, and never hunt for an apartment, die in a tsunami, fall victim to vagrants, or watch your house get towed, ever again. At select retailers.

*(MM&M llc.)