haiku 2 Apr 2018

A failed republic
Run by wolves preying on sheep
Best to get out now

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

Vicente v. Ord

This author is barely back a week from Los Angeles, and already he yearns for the runs. The velocipedist who reads this blog will recognize the Ord Run from previous writings: it starts at Marukai Market in Little Tokyo, heads up to Hill and Cesar E. Chavez, and mashes Sunset all the way over to where that boulevard hits Vine. Old man Ord, however, has a new companion, the San Vicente Run (i.e. Santo Viczenzo), which starts at where Wilshire crosses the 405 freeway and approaches Hollywood from the west, either via Elevado or Santa Monica Boulevard.

Both of these runs the author would make regularly, never ever standing to pedal, on an L.A.-made, fixed-gear, gray Retrospec bicycle with bright green wheels. He surfed Bay Street and the Venice Breakwater, hunted urban art from the Palisades to Elysian Park, and ran the runs whenever he was able to – during rush-hour or at 3 am, under skies clear and smoggy, his heart bursting joyfully with every passing foot, flashing spoke, and humming tire. And the Boba Fett nods he received from other smog-sledders (!!!), each glance-and-dip a barely perceivable acknowledgement of his worth as a self-respecting street cyclist, each quick look grudging recognition of the toughness commonly found among persons who mash California's sun-burnt boulevards.

Someday, I will once more reside in the fine Golden State, and run these runs whenever my heart desires, but, until then, be well in my absence, fair Angelinos, and mahalo.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on America's legal numbers racket

Attention lottery-loving citizens of America: stop playing the lottery. Before the federal and state governments confiscated the system from organized crime, the lottery was called the numbers racket; then, as now, it is a crooked game run by crooked scum that hoodwink financially destitute, money-obsessed, weak-willed people into forking over their hard-earned cash for a return of roughly ten cents on the dollar.

If you play this state-run racket thinking that you are doing the right thing, if you participate in this legalized crime hoping to strike it fabulously rich, then you shall lose more than just money – you shall lose the last, fraying shreds of your dignity. If you are hoping for wealth, all you shall get is sadness. If you think that maybe, just this once, it will be you announcing to the world how fantastically wealthy you are, then you shall be terribly mistaken. The states that run lotteries are quick to claim that proceeds from their lotteries benefit the infirm, the sick, or the elderly. In truth, however, the very people who can least afford to play the lottery – people on food stamps, Welfare, or fixed incomes, and those who work low-paying jobs – these are the people who grow poorer with each purchase of a lottery ticket. It is upon these people that the state-run numbers racket preys, in part through ludicrous and vile advertising campaigns that tells the lower classes: Today could be your lucky day, so just buy a ticket already – you never know!

Today can be your lucky day, as can tomorrow, because every day spent not obsessing over money is a lucky day, and because true fortune comes by expressing your natural abilities through diligent, focused, and honest labor. Do not play the lottery, because if you do, you will allow an external, fickle, and dishonest source to dictate your Happiness, you will engage in state-sanctioned criminal behavior, you will prove your bovine-like docility by doing anything that the crowd does, and you will show that you are a slave to the shifting winds of chance. Do not be a slave: be a self-reliant, self-respecting citizen. Live simply, live frugally, and steer clear of the crooked numbers rackets.

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit

on idling enemies

From oil (as in crude oil, sweet crude, Big Oil, oil wells, the British Petroleum Gulf Disaster of 2011, and the like) we get gasoline. From oil we also get plastics (which are used to make water bottles, baby toys, toothbrushes, car seats, laptop cases, lampshades, bottlecaps, pens, linoleum, clothing, shoes, and the like). Oil is a precious and a strategic national resource of the United States of America, and it is the duty of each and every citizen to protect his nation's precious resources. Therefore, the patriotic citizen never allows his gasoline-powered vehicle to idle for longer than 30 seconds, since idling past 30 seconds compared to turning off and later restarting the vehicle wastes gasoline, and gasoline, as it is a derivative of oil, is a strategic national resource. (Idling while stuck in traffic may seem unavoidable until one sees bicyclists flying exuberantly by, unopposed.)

The patriotic citizen educates himself about his use of this precious national resource – he does not waste it, because wasting it would mean that the brave men and women fighting America's war would perhaps not have enough gasoline to complete their missions. If a person were to wish to harm the United States of America and to make her less able to provide for the common defence and the general Welfare, that person would drive an unnecessarily large, gas-guzzling vehicle. The person who drives a vehicle disproportionate to his “need” to get around (such as a lone person driving a Ford 350 or a Dodge 3500) is an enemy of the state, because he burns more gas moving himself around than he might if he were to make a small personal sacrifice and drive a smaller car with a smaller engine. (Today's homo non-sapient accepts readily the lie that she might commute to her job by car, drive her car to the store, drive her car to the gym, drive her car to school, all without consequence; at least in America, we can no longer afford to be lazy, worthless people who drive our cars fucking everywhere.) In order to protect his nation's future (and to make sure the troopers fighting our wars have enough gasoline for their military vehicles), the true American patriot rides a bicycle whenever possible.

Life requires water. Without water, there is no life. Without water, humans die. Because it is a component essential to maintaining the general Welfare, and since it is needed to effect the Safety and Happiness of the American citizen, water is one of this nation's precious and strategic national resources. Businesses that waste water are enemies of the state. Persons who waste water are enemies of the state. Persons who allow the faucet to run while they brush their teeth; who run the tap while shaving; who hose down a driveway instead of sweeping it with a motherfucking Broom; who maintain lawns in the desert (instead of planting drought-resistant, native species); who toss cigarette butts into lakes; these persons are all enemies of the state. Please, dear reader, if you consider yourself a patriot, please examine your use of America's precious resources, and adjust your habits so as to improve this country's ability to survive in the future and to fulfill the parameters of the Constitution.

場黑麥 ioanni elymucampus fecit