the accusative you

A specter is haunting the tongue of the modern English speaker – that shadowy, pervasive, accusative You! Upon listening closely to how people speak – especially to persons who are inebriated, or speaking passionately – one will soon understand I am talking about. And if one should find oneself being interviewed or facing the opportunity of speaking on a topic with which one is familiar, the first thing one is likely to do is to begin using You in the accusative form. (I do not even know if the usage to which I refer is called the accusative, but I think it sounds best.) What the deuce am I talking about? Well, here goes.

Imagine a friend is talking about a driver who cut him off while he had been driving home from work. “Why the fuck did you do that!” he will likely scream, his hands thrusting forward in supplicating fashion, his shoulders hunched and his eyebrows climbing. “How could you be so stupid as to pull out in front of me when I clearly had the right of way and too much momentum to stop within a safe distance?” In all likelihood, he will be making eye-contact with and pointing to the person to whom he is speaking, even though that person neither cut him off nor compelled the offender – the third party – to pull out in front of him. More likely than not, this agitated friend will proceed to draw analogies to other instances in the recent past when he felt slighted, offended, overlooked, or wronged; he will begin to whine about this policy decision or that stupid regulation, saying things such as “Why would you build a road here when over there is better” or “You're not going to get those guys to end their uranium enrichment program using sanctions alone.” And all this time, there will be a tiny little voice sounding in the head of the person listening patiently to his friend – less a voice, actually, than a deep, subconscious Knowing – that wants to grab the friend by the scruff of his neck, shake him, and say to him, “You fucking asshole! I didn't do these things – I didn't cut you off or enrich that uranium or pass that bill or tell that girl to dump you! Yes, yes, I know that you – and I'm talking to you directly, not to a fictitious third party who cannot hear you speaking – I know that you are talking about someone else, and I know that I'm supposed to understand this and not take your accusative tone and pointing fingers and rising anger personally, that I am supposed to remember that you use You when talking about Them even though you should be using They, Them, of Those Guys. Deep down, I know these things, but still, bro, come on, be disciplined when speaking.”

Yes, discipline – discipline is what is lacking in our society, as well as the patience to choose our words carefully and to think before we speak. It is not hard to acquire these things: all it takes is a bit less time spent watching television and a bit more time – starting with fifteen minutes each day – spent reading something such as The Elements of Style by William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White. (This book is available in any public library worth its salt.) I am convinced that the surest way to mend the tattered remnants of fair Liberty's cloak, that the quickest way to regain mutual respect for one other, is to stop using the accusative You when we are speaking about people who are not present. For too long have we unwittingly taken responsibility for the actions of other people; for too long have we unknowingly allowed ourselves to be blamed for the shortcomings, failures, and mistakes of people we have likely never met. Speech is one of our most powerful weapons; words are weightier than the sharpest sword; and the sooner we learn to use these tools wisely, the better off we all shall be. Check your tongue and mark my writing, or all too soon we're back to fighting. Mahalo.

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