on bucking wheat

Just now, following my intuition, I took the loaf my whole-wheat bread out of the cupboard, walked it outside, and threw it onto the compost pile. There it now sits with the bagels someone had given me earlier in the week. During a brief Wiser Self meditation last night, while working on my Forrest Yoga teacher training homework, I asked Spirit what I could do to hew the Path and realize the Tao within myself. A soft, quiet, patient voice inside me responded, telling me to get serious about this New Way and stop eating refined sugars and wheat. Perhaps if I stop toxifying my innards with lumps of gas-producing and highly processed materials, I can get my psoas muscles to loosen up and my dura to unwind. Pray it be so, aho.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on spider–mothers

For years, I have welcomed any spider into my house who could make her way inside. Instead of killing them or sucking them into my vacuum cleaner, I dust around them and apologize to them if I should disturb their webbing or jostle their young. I fear some of the spiders who live here, as I suspect them of being black widows, but now that I know which boxes they live in, I avoid those boxes. Some of the spiders are jumping spiders, who are harder to track and to appFor years, I have welcomed any spider into my house who could make her way inside. Instead of killing them or sucking them into my vacuum cleaner, I dust around them and apologize to them if I should disturb their webbing or jostle their young. I fear some of the spiders who live here, as I suspect them of being black widows, but now that I know which boxes they live in, I avoid those boxes. Some of the spiders are jumping spiders, who are harder to track and to appreciate because they tend to move around a lot, eschewing the building of webs; others are grand and spindly things who vibrate on their webs upon being disturbed.

I welcome these spiders because they embody Iktomi (see drawing), a First People god who created the Earth by flinging his web over its entire surface. Iktomi also taught humankind about technology; the Internet is one of his greatest gifts. I welcome them also because I gain joy from discovering these my little house-guests sitting patiently in dusty and forgotten corners, and because they catch and eat common houseflies (which I then do not have to chase down with a flyswatter and kill myself). My spider-mothers seem to like it here; they stick around and keep recruiting more of their kin in from the outside. Whereas some people collect cats, I collect spiders, a simpler house-pet that needs neither food nor drink nor rabies-shots. Aho.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on subtle changes

Since deciding to no longer vituperate and lambaste the American political system and Western society as a whole, I am breathing easier. No longer does this author try to hoist the problems of the world onto his shoulders, slash and burn through them, and nose around in the rubble for solutions; now, he better understands what the limits of his responsibilities are, which things are his concern, and which thoughts and rants and habits are simply no longer worthy of his time. It feels as if these americanifestos are morphing from platforms upon which a lone figure would spout and foam and rave into logbooks of one no-longer-quite-so-confused native son who is slowly learning not to lash out at everything so violently. Perhaps now, with the hatred draining from my heart and the spaces within me that once held rage and grief slowly filling up with compassion and acceptance, these American manifestos will become something truly grand, truly worthwhile, truly fitting of their name and of my heritage. We shall see, and thanks for reading. Huzzah, mahalo, and aho.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

habit flung Westward

This morning, after nearly 12 hours of sleep, having slept in for the first time in more than a month, I took an old, stuck thought, and buried it in that most endless of burial grounds, the West. Thinking the thought – a memory of how someone had sneakily insulted me in front of some of my relatives nearly a year ago – for perhaps the thousandth time, I recognized it as a self-deprecating habit, investigated it at its root, congratulated myself for having caught myself in the process of self-mutilation, took out my little leather salt -pouch, and focused all of the negative emotions and pent-up frustrations surrounding the memory into the salt-pouch and from there into the welcoming arms of the House of Death. Black is the soil of West, and deep, and I am slowly learning how to bury my toxic and useless habits there so as to free up my energies for such thoughts and actions that will be helpful rather than detrimental to me and to mankind. Aho.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

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eastside moonwalker - Freddie Gibbs!!!

on cascading priorities

A hard task is completed: I have chosen a name and secured a URL for my yoga practice (thousandmilesyoga.com), one that reflects my spiritual views while reminding myself and my students to take things one step at a time, one day at a time. Now, the detailed work begins, the process of lining up my pachyderms, of obtaining personal liability insurance, finalizing my logo design, getting business cards printed, and building my website from just a name to a slick and compelling cross-platform space upon which to promote my services. As each new step is completed another challenge takes its place, worms chasing snakes chasing dragons chasing pearls, rivers spilling down from high above to carve and shape the bedrock into new and exciting designs. Add to all this my efforts to clean the house and make it presentable for the guests who will soon arrive, and this author's life is busy. Oh how he has missed having so much to do. Huzzah.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on powerful habits

In the past, I was weak, and let people harness and usurp my fledgling powers. After FYFTT, however, I appreciate my gifts and have gained awareness of my challenges; I can now tell when I am slipping into self-mutilating behaviors and toxic interactions; now, I stop myself, breathe, and remove myself as quickly as possible from the sticky situation. Holding a pouch of salt helps me stay calm, as I can dump anyt negativity into it and cleanse my aura of stickiness – be it anger, jealousy, contempt, or hatred. Oh how much better this is to the old days when I would simmer and steep within the strong emotional states picked up from others, reaching for drugs to numb myself out but in the process making myself more susceptible to reinfection with the debilitating emotions I seem to pick up so easily. I am watchful of my old ways, mindful to not slip back into old habits, and trusting of my intution (which some would call Spirit) enough that I move when I feel it is time to move, shield when I feel it is time to shield, and breathe when no other option seems right. Praise be unto the ancestors, for it is their coding that I bring to bear. Aho.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

fast bus found

As part of the ceremony honoring the time I spent in Houston, Texas, I went for a nice long bike ride through her bowels last night. The city she rewarded me, and honored my honoring, by revealing a shortcut to Hobby. And so, this morning, instead of taking the light rail to one bus and then switching to another, I simply walked from the 6th Ward to the Downtown Transportation Center (following the route I had pioneered the night before) and mounted #88 ltd., a direct bus to the airport. This is a hot and foul but beautiful and corrupt city, and I shall miss her eternal flatness and unpredictable weather, her friendly pedestrians and shimmering heat, her grinding grit and broken sidewalks, her lounging transients and steaming-hot phở. Fare thee well, fine city of Houston, until we mingle again.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on getting fancy

This morning, on the way to anatomy class, I jumped onto a Jersey barrier upon my (loaned) bicycle in an attempt to avoid having to ride in the busy street around a bit of construction blocking the pedestrian path. Immediately upon mounting the concrete structure I lost my balance, fell over onto a spot of muddy grass to the right (i.e. not into vehicular traffic), tore open a finger-knuckle on my right hand, and badly bent the front wheel of the purple-and-blue women's bicycle I have been riding for the past week. Undaunted, I turned around and walked the mangled velocipede back to my hostel, turned back around, and walked the 2.3 miles to class.

Oh the plans I had to repair the front wheel, to tune the spokes by hand, myself, whilst sitting in a nice park and whistling away my sorrows. Anyone who has ever attempted to tune the spokes of a badly-bent bicycle wheel will know how frustrating, infuriating, and all but hopeless it is to try and do this type of work freehand, by eye and feel alone; I spent more than three hours trying to do it myself as well as trying to find a bicycle shop in Houston Texas open past six in the evening, both to no avail. Now, it is after ten p.m., the wheel is still bent (thought not nearly as badly as it was this morning,) I am exhausted in will, spirit, and body, and not only is my time gone but I will be out roughly $35 for a new wheel or a few bucks less for a quick tuning job, adding those to the 3+ hours I already spent (at $20/hr, ), and I'm almost out a c-note with nothing to show for it but my all-too-apparent frustration. One of these times I'll remember to just take the bike to a shop and pay someone else to tune the spokes rather than working myself into a lather trying to do it myself. Oh brother, phew, and mahalo.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on honoring legacy

My blood runs thick on this Land of Libertie, since before its self-liberation. Furthermore, my siblings and I carry a name 600 years old, a German/Latin hybrid as rich and deep as the soil my forebears once worked. We are the last few of a waning ken, the remaining three who can pass along this name, this heritage, to future generations. We are Daugher and Sons of the American revolution, quiet and stoic and wise and brave, fragile and tender and giving and kind. We are worthy mutts, fringe-beings obliged to greatness, to glory, to godliness. With this in mind, I clawed myself out and away from the grasp of addiction and sadness and fear, undergoing one of the greatest journeys that a person can undertake, the process of self-discovery, self-evalutaion, self-healing, self-mastery; I did this because I owe it to the generations that laid the bricks of the path I now walk to be the best and brightest man I can be, to live the good and the virtuous life. If, by example, I inspire a few other souls to save themselves from destitution, darkness, and despair, I might then find time to rejoice, but, the focus now and forever more shall be on my own mind, my own feelings, my own thoughts, my own time, my own majesty, and not on that of others. So be it. Aho.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

on building breezes

With a light rain falling and thunderheads building in the east, miles-high clouds blowing in off the Gulf, he collected the pieces for a new sculpture. Walking through streets bathed in a greenish, all-pervading light, he gathered them one by one from gutters and traintracks, from torn asphalt and cracked cement, bits of metal flung out of work vans as they bumped along over the tracks, rusted relics forgotten and abandoned, neither missed nor pined for. Sliver, nail, and washer found new homes his rear pocket, jangling softly with each step, each one informing him of the greater configuration of the overall piece, of its outline, shape, and composition. After much searching and with dark clouds grumbling loudly overhead, he found the stick he had been looking for, but only after he truly stopped looking for it and finally just let it find him. Now the piece lies waiting, potent and brooding, a raw little thing but something he can be proud of, a manifestation of common progress, trash recycled, recombined, and remade anew.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

a quaking soul

Oh how my body doth quake, and shiver, with the effort required to reprogramme the soul. This shaking was a mystery to me until this morning, when my yoga instructor reminded me that parts of the body shake when its muscles and tendons are learning new ways to move, new parameters to their existence. What is true for the body is also true for one's spirit: once one begins to shake off the shackles of habit and addiction, of blindness and woe, of fear and self-repression, the soul begins to vibrate anew. Freed from its tight and stifling embrace, it soon shatters the remaining bonds, soaring out from the very Inner Core with such exuberance as to make a person quake. Oh, what wonderful mystery is life on this plane.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥

hostel refugees reconvene

Having fled the dusky confines of a poorly-run and overpriced shitbag of a hostel in in the Museum District of Houston, Texas, two relieved travelers chanced upon one another in friendlier digs located in that city's 6th ward. Upon remembering having seen and walked past each other in the under-lit and cluttered common area of their former place of lodging, the Japanese college student tittered into her hands, and the U.S.-born budding yogi chuckled most disarmingly. Then, after a brief shower, he bid the brightly-attired lass goodnight, and settled onto yet another mattress sheathed in plastic.

mentiri factorem fecit – 場黑麥