on stepping back

Next time before answering force with its like, I'll try to remember my blow-hole to spike, to hold my forked tongue without making a sound, to contain such thoughts as my psyche might hound. For words writ or spoken that fly from the cuff, are full of false logic and even worse stuff, they're useless and harmful, they cure not one thing, they bite and they injure, they hurt and they sting. Few are the benefits of open speaking, of letting the brain-stem commence with its leaking, of making a statement or speaking one's mind – far better it were to make noise from behind. I'll heed this sound warning and keep myself still, if not woe and loneliness my heart will fill, when I stop and realize it's all been for naught, that love and compassion I'd briefly forgot. The proof's in the pudding, that soils my nose, that gums up my laptop and sticks to my clothes, this paltry aggression I henceforth shall cease, reverting to lamb what had turned into beast.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

to understand how I think, watch this vid (NSFW!!)

Doug Stanhope - No Refunds

large and heavy

Waves are breaking, large and heavy, watch the surfers levitate, I've been sleeping, watching tele, please do let hatred abate. I am sorry to have said those things I once but thought alone, heavy is their psychic anger, desolate this vacant throne. Time is all we need to heal this, time and just a bit of will, that and a steadfast decision these our hearts with love to fill. Now the lessons learned from error dictate how we live today, everything will seek its level, find its balance, be OK.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

or feel not

We each have the power, to feel or feel not, this freedom is truly all that we have got. Some people are confused, they don't understand, they curse and malign now the Great Unseen Hand, that guides and confounds us through daytime and dark, that lurks in the baby's smile and the dog's bark. It is the decision, of each one of us, to fret or to worry, to make a great fuss, but also to laugh and to smile her way through all of the bullshit she might see today. It is a strange notion, this foul suffering, it is an obnoxious and dastardly thing, it happens to soldier and farmer and wife, it tramples on Happiness and snuffs out life. Seize responsibility, blame no one else, for you alone manage your own mental health, and no one but you can let bad feelings in, so just rest a moment before you begin to cast about seeking an outside culprit – that person does share the chair where you now sit.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

land of plenty

In six days of living in this land of plenty I've done more than back home I would have in twenty. This sure is a good start, an awesome beginning, when I'm on this island I feel like I'm winning. Compared to what's normal, way back in the States, this place is all temples and carved heaven's gates, the people are nice and the surf-breaks are many, the street food is tasty and cost fifty pennies. How long can I stay here, that I do not know, I'll shed useless worries and take each day slow, reward myself for this most daring of feats, with sunset surf sessions and delicious eats.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

in foreign lands

I'm now in fair Bali, with boots on the ground, my home in a foreign land I have here found. New friendships they blossom, old ones re-awake, there's housing to manage and cops on the take. Horizons expanding, without and within, an old life is ending, a new one begins. Mosquitoes are everywhere, biting through skin – not where it is thick though but blood-fed and thin. The stars are aligning, and all seems just right, I'm learning to cherish praise, setback, and slight. The trick is to stay in the now and the here, to put from the mind what might happen next year, to fret not about what occurred in the past, to keep to the moment with daring and class. So onward, brave warriors, keep up the fight, until the unyielding should snuff out your light, whereupon the body then shuts down and dies, and into the aether your spirit soon flies. All hail to the Goddesses, who number ten, whose legends sustain us and shelter us when the hardships of human existence arrive, who love us if we are stone dead or alive.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

in foreign lands

I'm now in fair Bali, with boots on the ground, my home in a foreign land I have here found. New friendships they blossom, old ones re-awake, there's housing to manage and cops on the take. Horizons expanding, without and within, an old life is ending, a new one begins. Mosquitoes are everywhere, biting through skin – not where it is thick though but blood-fed and thin. The stars are aligning, and all seems just right, I'm learning to cherish praise, setback, and slight. The trick is to stay in the now and the here, to put from the mind what might happen next year, to fret not about what occurred in the past, to keep to the moment with daring and class. So onward, brave warriors, keep up the fight, until the unyielding should snuff out your light, whereupon the body then shuts down and dies, and into the aether your spirit soon flies. All hail to the Goddesses, who number ten, whose legends sustain us and shelter us when the hardships of human existence arrive, who love us if we are stone dead or alive.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

on burning sandals

This footwear's infected, it burns my dermis, I suffer its damaging, poisonous kiss. It's just on the right side, the left foot is fine, at one point I'd stepped on a shiny-leaved vine, or brushed up against a patch of poison oak, that promptly with oils my sandal did soak. I have tried to wash them, with liquid and bar, the next step I think will be clear vinegar, to cancel the compounds that ravage my skin, but if that too fails they'll go into the bin. It is just not worth it, to suffer and cope, to wash and to scrub them with vigor and soap, to try and eradicate chemical traces that lurk in the foam and hide under the laces. Last night I moved into a seedy hotel, these sandals they irritate and itch like hell, the dollars I spent renting a door that closes I could well have used to buy new shoes and clothes. That is in the past though, I have no regrets, I've learned not to hanker or worry or fret, therefore I will change out these horrible shoes, and cease with my endless and woebegone blues.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

dear fair Bali

I just booked a ticket, I did it last night, to pay for my upcoming long-distance flight, back to my dear Bali, that I'd left in May, in this small-town hellhole I'll no longer stay. This place dulls my feelings, it makes me feel glum, it leaves its inhabitants addled and dumb, it fosters their habits of boozing and sloth – there's poop on the doorsteps and pee in the broth. I acted on impulse, I should stay a bit, to finish my business and duties and shit, but I've held me captive here for long enough, denied myself loving and bought too much stuff. Therefore it's to Bali, to surf and compose, to craft some more cunning and dastardly prose, to meet a fine lady, perhaps settle down, to set up a new life on fine foreign ground. I'm braced for the fallout from my recent act, it's off to the airport with no looking back, please wish me a good time, please wish me the best, from you friend I'd expect not one smidgen less.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

millstone and crutch

The hard stuff is over, now all that remains, is for us to tally our winnings and gains, to keep track of loses and setbacks and such, to rid ourselves forthwith of millstone and crutch. I'm of the opinion that this standing burden, this heap of a place with it's shoddy foundation, has fostered within us discord, consternation, and tons of emotions like guilt and frustration. It is then with an heartfelt and honest persuasion that I do declare on this solemn occasion to be not the slightest bit worried or vexed, to accept with dignity what might comes next. Huzzah.

© americanifesto / 場黑麥

by my lonesome

I've sat by my lonesome, for these past five years, awash in my sadnesses, angers, and fears. New tools though have helped me to lighten my burden, I use them to battle depression, for certain, but also to fill my soul with happiness, to keep my life from turning back into mess. I know now that very few things are my fault, that I must be kind to Me (not rub in salt), that I am worthwhile and rarely to blame, that I need not worry about wealth or fame. For all that is needed the Mother provides, though we Her wee children still stumble and cry, and dive headlong into some dangerous places, knowing full well that Her great saving graces will be there and help us and guide us along, when our hearts are heavy and we sign sad songs. Have done now with learning, abandon what's known, from maths to safe driving to using a phone, instead just sit quietly, making no sound (for me it's best when there's no one else around).

© americanifesto / 場黑麥