haiku 18 Jun 2018

Kind hands, but strong words
Behavior challenged head on

Tough love is oft best

[ americanifesto / 場黑麥 / jpr / urbanartopia / whorphan ]

me cycling past

In Hoi An, Vietnam, I learned to balance a bottle on my head - while bicycling. The year was 2016. Before then, I’d trained myself to balance things on the top of my head while just standing or walking slowly around. The stars aligned, however, in that ancient and beautiful port city when I moved my halfway empty 1.5 liter bottle of drinking water from the bicycle’s front basket up to the top of my head on the last turn before reaching the local market, down by the river. Riding slowly through the milling crowds, I drew cries of praise, looks of astonishment and dull stares alike. I waved to a few people then kept riding, crossing a busy intersection before pedaling some kilometers out into the suburbs. Occasionally, kids’ minds would be blown upon seeing me cycling past with the bottle balanced on my head; the children, almost always boys, would come running out into the street, pointing at me and laughing, shaking their heads, and giggling as they tried to emulate my efforts with their own bottles. In my experience, there are few methods for bridging cultural gaps as effective as lighthearted self-denigration; people around the world quickly accept into their midst someone who can prove he doesn’t take himself too seriously. And, the day after my discovery, I noticed that the residents of Hoi An seemed to recognize me personally. One or two got my attention, pointed to the tops of their heads, and smiled. A handful of others seemed to nod at me. Of all the things I’ve learned whilst traveling, this skill is both useful and useless, depending on the situation at hand; it’s helpful for making friends with kids but should be avoided around police officers and when wooing attractive young ladies.

© JPR / whorphan / americanifesto / 場黑麥

liberty or death

images from L.A.

on surviving major catastrophe

  Today's rugged man-beast, that brave individual who wishes to survive the upcoming zombie apocalypse, he (or, for the lady-beast, of course, she) will be self-reliant, self-sufficient, and capable of extreme action in dire circumstances.

  Whether you at some point see yourself making the post-apocalyptic wasteland your bitch, or if you merely desire to prove to yourself and to your species how rabidly you cherish life, your first step is to distance yourself from the mindless and continuously occurring buying-shit-for-the-sake-of-buying-shit ritual of consumption-oriented capitalism. Then, learn how to feed yourself cheaply. Reuse items that are in reusable shape. Cancel your contracts to receive broadcast television, and discover the excitement of story-telling. Become disciplined in your use of electricity and water. Learn how to read a map, to hunt, to make fire, to build shelter, and to do any other thing that might keep you alive when the lights go off and the undead come to bang upon ​your doors.

  In order to consider yourself even remotely ready to perform all the tasks necessary to make it through the impending breakdown of civilization, read books often, discipline your mind by delving always into its innermost depths (where you shall face reward and punishment both), and soothe and settle your mental state until its baseline is a serene quietude. As with the mind so you shall discipline the body, by exercising every single day from now until the day of your death. In order to stay alive while the other people around you are losing their heads and dying in stupid and unnecessary ways, you must be ready at any moment to commence with survival. Tens of thousands of city-dwellers have already abandoned their shiny condos and comfortable couches to live the shiftless life of the tough-and-rumble nomad way out at that spot where twilight turns to fog; they are waiting for you to join them.

  Before I commence, there are two more items to add to the never-ending Checklist-Of-Things-To-Do-Before-The-Global-Meltdown (the COTTDBTGM of yore). First is a readiness to abandon the persons you love the most to save your own life. Second is the willingness and audacity to stand tall in the face of grave danger to protect the persons you love the most. The decision which of these to choose will, of course, be up to you.

  Ultima Ratio Regum - 場黑麥 John Paul Roggenkamp