Just when this author thought that he was on a virtuous path, he ran smack into the barrier of Truth. False notions that had come to commandeer his being scurried from the impact of unbridled reality as do cockroaches from sudden illumination. All is not lost – he recognizes his errors for what they are; he adjusts his modes of operation to combat the need to make claims and seek reward; he shoos that part of him that needs to self-aggrandize back into its filthy stall; he reins in those parts of his psyche that thrive on the fleeing notions of honor, pride, and satisfaction.
Months of diligent effort were ruined this past weekend when the author opened his mouth, and spoke. By speaking, he violated one of the basic tenets of the ancient texts: One who speaks does not know, and one who knows does not speak. At the time, it seemed logical to voice his opinions, as he had been in a nearby state park engaged in friendly competition with a married male friend. After listening to his friend talk about matters of concern in his life, the author thought it polite to speak on matters dear to his own heart. How quickly the addiction of his own voice took him; how soon his words turned bitter, and hateful, leeched of their goodness by the foul tug of ego and spilling from him in ever greater numbers as he tried in vain to dig himself from one hole after the next.
Later that same night, the house of cards finally collapsed when the aforementioned friend announced to an assembled host that the author was not doing what he kept saying to the family dog – “Rule #1: shut up.” One after another, the layers of malice and discontentment loosened their grip on this worthless whorphan's psyche, falling off and away in the manner of petals loosed from a dying blossom. As each foul shackle sloughed off, the author realized how much anger and frustration he has kept locked up in his bosom, negative emotions that drain life of its color, that poison its deep and abiding well of Happiness. Sometimes, he wonders how other people stand to be around him, and why so few don't outright cancel their friendship. Perhaps with a more dedicated and concerted effort, he can alienate and abuse every person in his life, and not just those closest to him. Oh, well – still warm the blood that flows through these veins (Turkish, Snatch). Time heals all wounds. Mahalo.
mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥
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