on seeking trouble

During the course of one's life, one is likely to be looked at by other people. We look at each other for different reasons, among them to appraise or mock each other's clothing; to justify and reinforce prejudice and racial misconception; to see who is checking out our daring new hairstyle; and, sometimes, simply because we tire of looking at the same spot all the time. It is the author's experience that young men as well as insecure individuals of all sexes are prone to look about in order to find trouble, and that young males in particular will justify aggressive and violent behavior by claiming that their victim had been looking at them in what they found to be an unpleasant or disagreeable manner. An insecure person will tend to internalize even passing or accidental gazes and use them to reinforce a poor self-image and feelings of negative self-worth.

The only method by which one can determine if someone else is looking is by making eye contact with that person. Concurrently, the easiest way to avoid confrontation, heartbreak, self-torment, and sadness is to make eye contact only when absolutely necessary, such as when conversing with waiters, siblings, doctors, or friends. In the course of his observations, the author has discovered that looking at people out of the corner of his eye and thereby avoiding mutual eye contact obviates the need for uncomfortable situations in which someone tries to figure out (by means of examining his immediate surroundings or perhaps checking his teeth for food particles) why someone else was looking in his direction. The author has found that people appreciate being looked at, initially; after a first, cursory glance, however, they tend to become agitated and annoyed if stared or looked at for too often. (This is the primary cause of one worthless whorphan's ongoing, self-imposed sexual drought – his propensity to make eye contact with attractive young females but then failing utterly at all subsequent stages of the relationship.) At this point, the reader is likely thinking, 'By using a mirrored surface to see if someone is trying to make eye contact, I could avoid making eye contact, if I wanted to. Why hasn't the author mentioned that? What an idiot.' The author admits that he has indeed thought of and experimented with mirrors. In his opinion, though, trying to find and use a reflective surface in the crowded environment of, say, a subway car, poses its own unique challenges, challenges that can be avoided by simply not looking anyone in the face and choosing rather to lead a life of quietly miserable solitude. (Furthermore, the human mind recognizes the eye better than it does most other shapes; if it finds that it is being looked at, it will alert its host to danger and not rest until it has discovered the cause of its distress.)

The author reminds the reader of the importance of keeping track of where people are, what they have in their hands, and what they are looking at; he urges the reader to do this sneakily, out of the corners of the eye; he repeats the age-old mantra: “True friends stab in the front” (Oscar Wilde). Experience has shown that if someone is looked at one time but not a second, that person will mind his or her own business as if first contact had never occurred, demanding neither satisfaction nor a second date. Making eye contact with the wrong person can lead to other kinds of contact, including those of the verbal and the fist-based variety, so please remember to do your own time content in knowledge that each one of us lives and dies alone. Mahalo.

mentiri factorem fecit © 場黑麥