There is a war waging here inside my mind between what I feel and what ego defines. The ego it clings to the sins of the past to sadness and torment it holds good and fast to lies and to treason to pity and woe and back to its portion it won't quickly go. It hides in a recess behind my left eye and sallies forth quickly whenever I try to open my heart up to make myself whole and use love to clean up the dregs of my soul. I'm learning its contours and tasting its form and tracing thought-patterns that it's deeply worn into many actions and many ideas that have so long plagued me since my early years. As feeling awakens down in lower places I find deep inside me a great many faces that peer up and peer out of warrens constructed to hide them from evil deeps I have conducted. 'Don't go there, it's dangerous, ' the ego's plea – a voice in the head-space that sounds just like me – but all that I've learned in this lifetime has taught that to live in fear is to live less than naught. Where once I turned from it I now turn and face the ego up there in its dark hiding place and sample its worries to search for its root to render its speaking quite helpless and moot. Please wish me luck, dear friend, upon this here task; for patient compassion is all that I ask; on this road I'm taking no other can tread as I alone must chase this scourge from my head. Aho, then, mahalo, and a namaste and thank you for reading this writing today; perhaps on the morrow I'll be somewhat clearer should freedom from fearfulness have drawn any nearer.
© americanifesto / 場黑麥
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